outright lies

We're into March and I'm still going to tell you about my calendar.

Today it says "Failures always tell you how hard they tried", which is less pithy than Sean Connery's line in The Rock, but I'm guessing Collins didn't want to put "Winners go home and fuck the prom queen" on their office calendar range.

But then there's the fact of the day.  "1886 - Britain's first cremation took place in Woking, Surrey."

What???  I mean, even if you discount the informal, unrecorded burnings of, eg plague victims or Vikings (aboard their longship, of course), you've still got the fucking Romans to contend with.  The Romans!  Remember them?  you can't even wiggle out of this one on a semantic technicality, Collins - Britain is the geographical term, not the name of the nation state.  Maybe England's first cremation?  The United Kingdom?  Oh, but even then.  What about that Welsh guy who was cremated amid much scandal?  I saw someone talking about it on telly one time.  I wish I remember the details.

Well, anyway.

Fail.

Woohoo!

It's spring.  In fact, it's the spring equinox, and as we all know that means... well, it means something.  The day and night are the same length.  I said that in the office today and someone said "As what?"  Each other!  How does one cope with such foolishness?

I love spring.  I kind of wish for an eternal spring, but then it would, I guess, get boring.  But it's so inspirational!  I could write a book a month if I cleared the decks for March, April and May.  But I have to work.  Frowny face.

Although, having said that, I'm currently, actually, genuinely enjoying my job.  Which is cool.  I mean, it's not what I would have ever chosen to do, but being treated like I know stuff, like I can answer questions, like I can deal with problems even in a job I just drifted into... that's good.  That's satisfying.  That's new...

Surely they can't do this??

Our new clearing company LCC will be on site this weekend - Saturday 21st and Sunday 22nd March to undertake a deep clean of the kitchen facilities on all floors, including fridges.

LCC's policy for fridge cleaning cleans differs slightly form our previous cleaning company, and LCC will throw out EVERYTHING left in the fridge this weekend, and on a health and hygiene issue the fridge will be disinfected.

You are advised to remove anything you do not want thrown away from the fridge on your floor, BEFORE you leave on Friday evening.

You have been warned and Facilities will not take responsibility for ANYTHING left in the fridges this weekend, this includes all plastic containers, packs of butter or spreads, drinks opened or otherwise, cans, anything wrapped or bagged - take it home with you.

If any of your colleagues are on annual or sick leave, please remove what you think might be theirs. It does not matter if your food or drinks are named, in date or un-opened, LCC's policy is to throw out everything!

Remove it or lose it!!

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[Bored-sounding salutation]

[Observation about weather]

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[Not-very interesting thing]

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The sun'll come out tomorrow

or today, if we're lucky.  Hello, sun.  Oh, it's going in again.

I think my yucca plant might not need his woolly hat for much longer.  Yes, he has a hat.  Yes, he's a he.  Stop it.

Calendar

Tetsuo! Calendaar!

Heh.  Sorry.  Joke for nobody.  Anyway, I told you I'd bring you updates on the calendar mottos as the year progressed.  Today says "If you think education is expensive, try ignorance."  Now, this fails on two counts for me.  1) Education is, until university, free.  Well, unless you look at taxes and stuff, but that's so sublimated into day to day expenditure that, for all intents and puposes, education is free.  As it should be, of course, like healthcare and porn.  2) Ignorance is also free.  I can get ignorance at no cost whatsoever from pretty much any resource.  The interspazz, the office I work in, the streets I walk down.  It's all there for the taking.  I think the motto may be attempting to imply that it has some sort of knock-on detrimental effect, but can I measure that in pounds, shillings and pence?  Or groats?

I cannot.

Stupid calendar.  Just tell me what day it is!