Clinical trials

Hello, still alive.

Here's a phrase you never want to hear from your doctor "I do not like the look of this."  Excellent, doc.  Really?  What's up with it?

About a week and a half ago, when my daughter was just over a week old, I noticed a rash under my arm.  Itchy, and a bit painful.  Like feeling tired, but more intense.  Being a complete idiot, I looked it up on NHS Direct.  The site said - shingles.  That freaked me out a bit - what if it's shingles? What about the baby? Should I quarantine myself??  I made an appointment with my GP the next day.

I got there and saw a student doctor, who looked at it and, considering my history, was all ready to sign it off as a fungal infection.  Which is, you know, not nice but at least it's not shingles.  He said shingles was way down on his list.  However, he wasn't 100% certain what it was so he called the actual doctor in, who took a look at it, asked about my symptoms and said the words above.  Shingles, he pronounced.  Yup, NHS Direct was right.  Damn and blast.  Still, he said I was okay to be with baby and that was all I wanted to know.

We're currently suffering from colic.  You might think that she, my daughter, is suffering alone, but that is to fundamentally misunderstand colic.  When a baby suffers, a baby does not suffer in silence.  When this policy of declarative discomfort is edging into your nights and fraying your days... well, at least *I* get to go to work.

Fatherhood

Hello. On the 31st of May, a little baby girl, red faced and screaming, was handed to me. She was my daughter. She was so red, her skin so soft, her head so neat and round, she looked like an angry radish. Within seconds, I had a nickname for her. Within a few more seconds, I realised that I loved her more intensely than anyone in the world bar her mother.

Surprise of the day - and this was a day full of surprises, was her hair. First of all - lots of it. Second of all - red. Neither of us have red hair. My beard is a bit auburn but still. An amazing, unexpected, glorious colour. Coupled with her gorgeous face - and I know I'm biased, but she does have a gorgeous face - she may be the most perfectly beautiful creature in the world.

Five days later, I'm utterly besotted and find it hard to imagine a world without her. Just now she was crying for something - nappy? food? cuddles - and I got her to calm down by just holding her. She looked up at me, her deep blue eyes finding my face and her expression broke my heart. The helplessness, the vulnerability, the knowledge contained in the face that I will be able to help... Impossible to disappoint her. How could I?

She sleeps now. And when she's awake.. I'll be here.