As you are possibly aware, there are etiquettes and codes for those gents among us who wish to enter a public lavatory and do it proper with other men, for some reason. How you find a dirty, ill-lit room which stinks of piss arousing is beyond me - I don't spend much time in public libraries for the same reason.
Anyway, it occurs to me that there are no rules laid down for those of us who do not wish to find an engorged member thrust through the cubicle wall with a curt invitation from the owner to suck it like a Zoom.
So, with that in mind, here we go.
1. Never use the urinals if it can be avoided. It seems obvious to me, but that is because I have a rule about not taking my cock out in public. Nothing to do with modesty and everything to do with simple decency. These are strangers! Don't put it in their faces. Leave that for those that want it. nb. This is not necessarily anything to do with avoiding an awkward moment with an amorous fellow-lavatorian. I just think it is unseemly to waggle one's organ about the place.
2. No eye contact! I don't care if they're your best friend or your brother or your boss! You look them in the eye and you are saying "Yes. I want to have the sex, here in this house of excrement." Are you saying that? ARE YOU? No. So just pretend you didn't see them.
3. If there are many cubicles, use the one nearest the door. The one furthest away from the door will be for homosexual lovemaking only. Consequently, this means that it is probably the cleanest stall in the place. If you can be certain that you will not be in company - eg. it is the office toilet and you are working so late everyone has gone home - then you can chance it. It'll be spotless in there. If there is only one cubicle and it is occupied, leave the bathroom. Cross your legs and wait, a safe distance from the toilets. Hanging around outside is a no-no, obviously, and queueing for the cubicle will look very much like you are waiting to be picked up and buggered senseless.
4. If you have to use a urinal, eyes front. I can't stress this enough. Don't make eye contact with the person next to you and certainly don't look at his member, lest you be tempted to sordid acts.
5. Don't speak to anyone in there. As with rule 3, it doesn't matter who they are. If they initiate any kind of conversation - and this includes weather talk - they are a gay homosexual with designs on your buttocks. Shun them at all costs and make a dignified exit. Don't forget to wash your hands - bacteria has no respect for sexual orientation.
6. Most important one, this - do not at any point put another man's penis into your mouth. This is technically a "queer" act.
I hope you have found this instructional. Yes, I was bored. And yes, "nb satire" applies.
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